How does Giving Tuesday inspire you?

I feel overwhelmed, choosing among all the charities vying for donations during the holidays. My strategy is to choose charities that reflect my values and interests. 

I enjoy giving to local arts, museums, and my ala mater which have enriched my life. Primarily I support organizations that help feed families, promote literacy, and protect nature. But hundreds of groups fit into these broad categories of food, books, and animals. 

Every day, I receive a plea from worthy groups to “be the change,” “save the bees,” “feed my neighbors,” “protect the Chesapeake Bay.” The messages are urgent, compelling, and often heartbreaking. Many requests come with gifts of notepads, cards, address labels, and bookmarks, reminding me to act on their behalf.  

Many of my friends and family members practice planned giving. Every year, they donate to the same charities because they believe in the organization’s mission. I admire their ongoing steadfast commitment. They embrace giving throughout the year, not just at Thanksgiving or after a natural disaster. They serve as role models and advisors for me to invest wisely.  

How can I best invest in the community where I live and work? That’s a critical question for me. Investing includes giving time and is a meaningful gift. Early in my career, I volunteered more because I had the time but earned little money. I joined the KC Jazz Ambassadors, an enthusiastic group of jazz lovers. This nonprofit is dedicated to preserving jazz, from supporting student scholarships to fundraising for jazz musicians who had fallen on hard times. I met many Kansas City musicians working for the group and writing for their monthly magazine, which still exists.

Nonprofits operate thanks to dedicated volunteers. However, they survive only if well-run and well-funded. Today, I proudly volunteer at a nonprofit community bookstore Hilltop Books whose proceeds benefit the library.

But back to Giving Tuesday. I will donate to groups that reflect my values. I will give to charities both in honor and in memory of those people whom I value.

Time flies like an arrow. 
Fruit flies like a banana. 

Have you heard: Everything’s 

Punny in Philadelphia?

    The act of being punny has found a home in Philly, the city known for brotherly love and sisterly affection as well as for booing Santa Clause. So, it’s not surprising such a critical audience welcomes pun-offs. Contestants compete in a three-round pun off event. 

    Sounds like fun to me.     

   Not everyone appreciates the art of the pun—what is unfairly dubbed as the lowest form of humor. In order to pull off a pun, one has to be witty and wise. 

   "The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth 

and sharpen my tongue." Dorothy Parker 

    Paying attention matters. Although many can unintentionally exploit an expression or word, few have the innate ability manipulate words on purpose. I admire those nerds whose wacky wordplay makes me groan. The it’s so bad it’s brilliant effect.  

    Some people can’t control their punning. The puns pop off at breakfast, slip out during a serious activity, or pour down like a thunderstorm. Other pundits wait until there’s an opportunity to dust off a favorite pun for a subtle snicker. Their patience pays off if they get an eye roll or a guffaw.

    My hubby and I love playing around with puns. It’s the same irresistible feeling I get when splashing through puddles on a summer day.

    One of my former coworkers could fling puns all day. I remember his go-ahead-and-pun- ish me smile. Unable to resist the challenge, we battled back and forth, faster and faster, until the last pun won.

    I’ll skip explaining types of acceptable puns, from homophones to mixing up metaphors. But I will offer some guidelines when volleying words about. Puns should exploit the situation, surroundings, or the context but not the person. Be kind, and don’t engage in cruel punnery.  

·         A pun is most effective when spoken.   

·         It takes two to pun. More than two people can make it punnier.

·         Be deliberate, direct, and daring when you pun.

·         Keep the wordplay clean.  

·         Evergreen puns work: you don’t have to branch out. (Get it?)

·         Know your competitor, your audience, and yourself. But the most important is knowing when to stop or risk being asked: Do you know what a pun is spelled backwards? A-nup is a-nup. 

Image of two ghosts. 

I am not a fan of horror movies, haunted houses, or gruesome creatures that lurk 
in my closet and under the bed. 

Give me " scary safe."

A caldron of apple cider suits me. Put out purple mums and orange pumpkins to decorate the porch. Let me dress up and become someone else for a night. 

What was your Best Ever Halloween costume?

A prize-winning outfit you envisioned and created? An unexpected find in the thrift store? The celebrity costume that turned you into a glamour star. Or the perfect disguise, the one that fooled even your best friend’s mother?

At first, Halloween centered on collecting treats until I found fun in the tricks. No, not stringing toilet paper in the trees, or smashing poor pumpkins. The delightful trick of impersonating characters—the heroes, Hollywood actors, and everyday heroes (firefighter, nurse, teacher). Of course, there are ghoulish creatures like witches, devils, and vampires. I’ll throw in politicians here too and you put them in the category.  As a teenager, I plastered my face with a dark green eye shadow like the Wicked Witch of the East. A small sacrifice intended to scare up attention. 

I’ve wondered how costumes have changed through the decades or not. Do we dress up like our idols? Astronauts. Do we turn ourselves into what we fear? Aliens. Ax-welding madmen wearing hockey masks? Will cartoon characters always be in vogue? What costume garners more candy, huh? Cute or scary?

My favorite costumes throughout the years:

A spunky monkey child’s costume my mother made for me. My mask and the long tail earned me third place prize.

The court jester outfit I made with bells on the collar that jingled and jangled.

Finally, the circus performer attire that caught my eye in the thrift store. This cherry red leotard with silver sequins transformed me into a trapeze artist. The magical experience continued when my future husband also got into the act donning teal tank top and black bicycle tights. What dazzling trapeze partners we made, if only for one night.

But Halloween has gone beyond one night because starting in September, we are haunted with Halloween décor. We can’t escape the spooky soundtracks and purple lights casting surreal shadows about.

Strolling through the neighborhoods, I have seen skeletons dancing, stuffed scarecrows lounging about, tombstone populating lawns, and wisps of ghosts dangling from every tree limb. A few pumpkins and purple, orange, and maroon mums added festive touches. (A few mums brighten up every place.)

Recently, I read about homeowners, who spent thousands of dollars on outdoor decorations for an elaborate spectacular Halloween scene. What an economically chilling amount of money! Yet, it’s hard not to admire the innovation and investment to delight our spirits. 

Image of a heart in an open book.

What is hate reading about? 

Hate reading: Reading with the intent to criticize, mock, or feel  smarter than the writer. 

 My theory, and I’ll call it resentful reading, results from the  reader feeling betrayed, misled, or annoyed by how the author presents the content. Not enough action, unrealistic characters, or gratuitous violence. 

Too much of this, too little of that.                

Maybe the reader is having an awful day and a close reading to     find fault makes them feel better?

 I imagine the worst case is when the writer offends or insults the reader. For example, a glaring spelling error, albeit a street name, city, or beloved person.  A hate reading experience differs from analyzing an academic paper, where finding flaws and inconsistencies is expected. And valuable. 

Still, the question remains: Why choose to read something whose entertainment is derived not from pleasure but from hate? Reading with this attitude can’t be healthy, can it?

Hate-readers express their views with the same enthusiasm I do when I love the book.        

“I couldn’t help myself, now I was hate-reading it with vengeance,” a writer friend said, sounding gleefully satisfied.

“I kept hate-reading this book and was hoping I wasn’t the only one,” said a book club member. Why? Well, he wants everyone to “hate on it.”

 In my view, that particular book does not deserve the hate-reading treatment. Just because the author blends many genres, creating a book as unsatisfying a potluck lunch where the dishes all miserably mix together, leaving the diner with a tummy ache. Stick to one or two serving.   

My reading recipe is simple: Subtract one’s age from 100 for how many pages to read before committing to finishing the book. I will change my standard recipe if:

•  A trusted friend presses this book into my hands.

•  The book is by a family member, dear friend, or colleague.

•  It’s a book club pick.

• Open or closed, the book gives off scary spine-tingling vibes. I am a sensitive reader, friends.

 In the end, I want my relationship with books and people to enrich me.

I will spend time, money, and energy to find, finish and enjoy reading. Love, not hate keeps me reading. 

           

Footnote: Hate reading is not yet in the Merriam Webster’s dictionary.

 

 

Why are car wash fundraisers popular?

Enthusiastic elementary kids jump up and down with handwritten signs, waving their arms and shouting at passing cars: Car Wash! High school students sway silently with their signs with arrows, beckoning drivers to pull in for a car wash. I appreciate the work invested in a car wash with a cause. These are a few of my favorite things about this kind of old-fashioned fundraiser. 

    Car washes appeal to all ages because there’s a role for everyone from making the signs, waving at drivers, rinsing, soaping, and toweling off the dirt. And of course, taking and counting the money. Could we consider this a team sport without a few star players getting all the glory?

    The outside activity is a feel-good deal—a donation in exchange for a wash. An extra tip pressed into the hands of the hard worker earns a smile. (Unlike bake sales, the buyer isn’t worried about breaking their diet, or hurting anyone’s feelings by choosing Tiffany’s cookies over Tom’s brownies.)

    Gas, diesel, or electric vehicles, all get dirty. Drive up in a beater, a handed down jalopy, or the latest model everyone envies—every ride deserves to shine. (I’ve seen bicyclists offer their two-wheels for a wash too.) Everyone’s welcome.

    It’s a promise made to show up for someone you care about to support their cause. Or it’s a spontaneous act of generosity. Whatever the case, charity car washes are here to stay. 

   

 

I loved Uncle John. 

He was my favorite uncle, and I knew that if anything bad ever happened to my parents, he and Aunt Ann would take care of my brother and me. My mom assured me if, God forbid, that day ever came, her brother John would become our legal guardian. She had made it clear in her Last Will and Testament. I don’t remember when she told me, but as a young girl, I remembered feeling relieved because I wouldn’t have to live with strangers, or relatives I didn’t know.  

1.      I can’t picture John riding a motorcycle, but I have photos of him, and his wife Ann on their Kawasaki bikes side by side—helmets on and rearing to ride. The two logged many miles together. John looked like a biker with his bushy beard, aviator glasses, and his beaming contagious smile.    

2.      I wish I could recall all his advice on life, marriage, and work. Although some of his words left me, his voice stayed with me—a deep, smoothing bass. “This is your Uncle John,” he’d say when he phoned, as if I wouldn’t recognize his distinct voice. He didn’t call often. Once he called because we were both celebrating “double digit” birthdays. He turned 77, and I had my 44th birthday. He spoke slowly and listened carefully. That’s why he excelled in his work.

3.      John earned recognition as a “Pioneer in the Field of Social Work” by the National Association of Social Workers. He advocated for social workers being listing in the yellow pages when this practice wasn’t common or deemed acceptable. His achievements as a psychiatric social worker were many, and he continued practicing past the traditional retirement age. He counseled patients and helped family, too.

4.      Every time we talked, he inquired about visiting his sister, my mother. “Would she be up for it?” he asked. He asked because he knew travel would be a hardship for his sister, who lived 575 miles away. Our families vacationed together for years and provide a collection of wonderful memories.

5.      We also discussed books. Yet, I couldn’t tell you, his favorite book, only that he was a voracious reader. My cousin reported he read four or five books a week. He could summarize a plot and quote with ease excerpts from his favorite books. Mom told me John taught himself to read when he was four years old.

6.      Politics and policies. He made me feel comfortable expressing my political opinions, yet I I am not sure when we started discussing candidates. We agreed on the policy mistakes, political missteps, and protracted misery of our citizens. I can tell you who he voted for, but I won’t.

7.      A month before John died, I remembered he called worried because his doctor saw a scary spot on his liver. We were relieved after finding out that the spot turned out to be nothing. Benign. Yet, I don’t recall how many days we waited and were worried.  

8.       I also remembered the deep empty feeling, which washed over me after learning my favorite uncle had died of Covid on Sept. 30, 2021. My father had died August 14th and losing them both with little warning so close together felt wrong and unfair. My mother felt angry about how unfair and unjust her brother’s death was because he took every precaution during the pandemic. He ended up in the hospital because he fell at home. His two sons were unable to be with him and say goodbye because of the hospital’s pandemic protocol. I don’t dwell on the end of his life but on how well he lived his life.

9.      How old was John during the Great Depression? I remember he recorded his experience for the New York Times about how his family helped hobos who knocked on their door. He experienced the Depression as a young boy, the middle brother with a younger sister and an older brother.

 As we welcome the new season, I'm remembering my friend Pat who passed last week. She was super smart, funny, energetic, and modest, shrugging off compliments. 

Image based on Rosie the Riveter. 

Remembering Pat

Pat knew things before anyone else in our office did. She knew who was getting promoted, moving to another department, and leaving the company by choice or not. Our boss nicknamed her Radar after the character in the sit-com M*A*S*H who possessed an uncanny sense of incoming wounded before hearing the drone of helicopters.

Last week, I found out Pat had died at age 71. 

I admired Pat because she said what she thought, and she cared deeply about the work and the people with whom she worked. During her more than 30-year career, she mentored countless colleagues from the students who worked for her as exhibit tour guides to her bosses over the years. She was also my mentor and friend.

Pat knew how to get things done through the back channels. Often, she’d shake her head at any signs of my naivety about the way things really worked.    

One day, she saw a copy of “The Titleless Leader: How to get things done when you’re not in charge” on my table. She harrumphed as if she could have written this book. Of course, she had real-life experience and didn’t need this book.

Pat worked hard and underplayed her contributions. Unfortunately, I other colleagues take her for granted, robbing her of the respect she had earned, rising through the ranks. She explained some co-workers didn’t acknowledge her current position because they still saw her in her first role. She deserved better treatment.  

As I recalled, she earned a degree from Wharton, along with street-smarts too. She had endless ideas that she gave away, a jaded sense of humor, and a profound work ethic.     

She arrived at work early before most of her coworkers. Even on that icy winter day when her Toyota Tercel slid and crossed the median facing oncoming traffic, she wasn’t late.

Another thing, she dressed in style. This woman’s wardrobe was the envy of any professional businesswoman – a vast collection of suits, dresses, jewelry, scarves and shoes. Pat wore pumps, while I sported sneakers most days because they were comfortable, and I was lazy.  

Nearly every day, she popped into my office to discuss an unusual speaker bureau request or the odd behavior she witnessed in the museum. Besides our museum we had temporary exhibits highlighting historical artifacts like railroad bonds. Usually, we held an opening event, which brought the media, the public, and the regulars. One such regular was a woman who came prepared with plastic baggies to take home her share of leftovers from our events.  

Pat made our public events successful, memorable, and fun. Our first big event together involved buying a ham at Reading Terminal market to introduce the public to the newly redesigned currency. Every several years, U.S. currency was redesigned to fight counterfeiters who have become more sophisticated. She helped roll out all the dominations with facelifts including the $100, $50, $5 and $10 bills. Her knowledge of both bills and coins was remarkable.

             Now, I didn’t know much about Pat’s hobbies beyond work. She liked the shore, enjoyed gardening, and baking at Christmas. Her homemade festive peppermint white bark chocolate was popular in the office. In fact, the candy was so popular that a co-worker asked Pat to make it for his friends. She did of course. Her kindness wasn't a weakness at work, it was her strength. 

           Surely, Pat had a spot reserved in heaven. I hope she understands how much I respected  and admired her during her time here.