Image of Unhappy at the DMV.   

It’s time to renew my driver’s license. This musing  comes to you before my visit to the friendly  Department of Motor Vehicles. 

Not all my experiences have be dreadful, but I do dread this necessary venture to the DMV.

An Honest Account: What Happens at the DMV

• Arrival: Take a number. Usually it’s a three-digit number like 813, that shows your place in line. It’s only 9 a.m.
• Book. Your book is at home, not in your bag. Now, invent stories about the 25 strangers stuck in the waiting room.
• “Cellphone Use Prohibited.” People ignore the handwritten signs. Everyone around you is talking into their cellphones on speaker mode, using their outdoor voices. Nobody is reprimanded. One timid woman mutters under her breath, but you aren’t sure what’s bothering her.      
• During the five minutes you are in the restroom, you sense you’ve missed your turn. When you ask the friendly-looking person in the first row, the one person not on their phone, about your number. He shrugs his shoulders. You look at the monitor, which reads number 15.     
• Egads! What’s that odor? The guy who reeks of cigarettes and dirt. What’s that cloying smell? It’s the scent when strawberries and passion fruit collide.  
• For real? The two people who came in after you are already leaving with smiles and paperwork.    
• Guessing games. Who is up next? You study the clerks behind the windows. Who will give you the eye test.    
• Hallelujah! It’s your turn. You pass the eye test, correctly answer all the questions, and have your picture taken.
• “Is this photo alright?” the kind person behind the window asks. You know darn well that photo doesn’t capture your inner beauty. The expression is all wrong.
• Jeez. Could you take it again, please? This time, you ignore her directions and give her a big smile.
• Keeper! The photo is a keeper.  License is mailed to you in four to six weeks.  
• Maybe you’ll be back in five years to renew your license.
• No, you’ll be back, unless you own a flying car by then, in which case, you will not need a license. But you could need a Real ID, also available at select DMVs.